Clown wielding a knife approaches a hunter in a treestand in the middle of the forest

submitted by /u/Fuckface1337
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Source: WTF

This thing looks like it came from Resident Evil

submitted by /u/Anonimotipy
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Source: WTF

Not sure if this is a repost or not but it made it into my FB feed

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

submitted by /u/spook30
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Source: New feed

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.

submitted by /u/spotandedgar
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Source: New feed

A old man was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone.

"Herbert, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herbert, "It's hundreds of them!"

submitted by /u/RicottaAddict
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Source: New feed

Today I went to a book store and found: "the only book you’ll ever need to buy".

Volume 2

submitted by /u/MegaTankv2
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Source: New feed