Category: Jokes

My girlfriend broke up with me for stealing her wheelchair

But I'm not bothered, I know she'll come crawling back any day now

submitted by /u/aschgar
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Source: New feed

Communism’s fall shouldn’t have come as a surprise

There were many red flags

submitted by /u/Necroblight
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Source: New feed

Yo mama so fat…

That when she sends me nudes, my phone storage gets full.

submitted by /u/FriedBrycee
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Source: New feed

My grandpa told me "All you kids do these days is play video games"…

"When I was your age", he continued, "my buddies and I went to Paris, We went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, pissed on the bartender and didn't pay for my drinks all night!"

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the Moulin Rouge with his friends. He comes back only three days later covered in bruises, and with a broken arm.

The grandfather asks, "What the hell happened to you?"

The grandson says, "I did just like you did. I went to the Moulin Rouge; I tried to fuck a dancer on stage and piss on the bartender — but they beat the fucking shit out of me and stole all the cash in my wallet!"

The grandfather says, "Well who the fuck did you go with boy?"

The grandson says through tears, "My friends from school, who did you go with?"

The grandfather says, "Well… the Nazis"

submitted by /u/iamnearfromnormal
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Source: New feed

My neighbour knocked at my door at 2:30am!

Lucky for him i was still up playing my drums.

submitted by /u/eNiminator
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Source: New feed

I bought a christmas tree today. The guy asked me if I was going to put it up myself.

I said, "No, I'll probably put it in the living room"

submitted by /u/PepeTheMemeFrog
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Source: New feed