Category: Jokes

Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle?

Because electricity flows in the path of least resistance

submitted by /u/blackhatlinux
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Source: New feed

What did the cannibal say to 2 Mexicans?

I thought I'd eat both of you but I only have room for Juan

submitted by /u/oldapache
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Source: New feed

Turns out my psychologist is also a prostitute…

Totally blew my mind

submitted by /u/ilikerobots1010
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Source: New feed

An old man was sitting on his front porch, when a kid walks by with some chicken wire.

He decides to give the little boy a hard time and says

"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Chicken wire, mister."

"What do you plan on doing with that?"

"Well, I'm going to catch some chickens."

"You idiot, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire"

The boy shrugs this off and walks away. A few hours later he walks back past the old mans house with 5 chickens all tangled up in the chicken wire. The old man is astonished and says nothing to the boy as he walks past.

The next day the boy walks past the old man on the porch, this time with a roll of duct tape. The old man asks again.

"Hey boy, whatcha got there?

"It's duct tape, old man."

"What do you plan on doing with that?"

"Well, I'm going to catch some ducks."

"You idiot, you cant catch ducks with duct tape."

Annoyed with the old man, the boy walks away. A few hours later he walks back past the old man on the porch with 5 ducks all stuck to the duct tape. The old man is astonished yet again and says nothing to the boy as he walks past.

The third day the boy walks past the old man on his porch. The old man decides to pester him again and asks.

"Hey boy, whatcha got with you today?"

"It's pussy willow, old man"

"Wait here, let me get my hat"

submitted by /u/cmvoorhees
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Source: New feed

My whole life before age 12 was a blur.

That's when I went to the eye doctor. Things cleared up after that.

submitted by /u/SovietSocialistRobot
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Source: New feed

Boy selling newspapers

A boy is selling newspapers in a street corner when a man walks up to him and says "W-w-what t-t-time is it b-boy?" The boy looks at him but doesn't say anything. "I a-asked you a q-question b-boy, W-w-what t-t-time is it?" Again the boy doesn't say anything. The man is getting angry at this point and says "D-damnit boy, I asked y-you a q-question and I e-expect an a-answer. W-w-what time is it?" The boy still doesn't answer and the man storms off. Another man comes up and asks why the kid didn't answer and the boy says "And d-do w-w-what? Get the sh-shit k-kicked out of me?"

submitted by /u/sclerf
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Source: New feed