Category: Jokes

A physicist goes outside and sees a man standing on the edge of a roof

The physicist shouts “Don’t jump, you have so much potential!”

submitted by /u/Fakjbf
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Source: New feed

The Mormon and the Irishman

A Mormon and an Irishman are on a plane. They were sitting next to each other on a flight from London to the US.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!."

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

submitted by /u/Kugelblitz007
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Source: New feed

A woman is sitting beside a businessman on an airplane…

The businessman is quite bored, so he tries to get the woman to play a game with him. "Let's play a game. We take turns asking questions. If I can't answer one of yours, I'll pay you 5 bucks, but if you can't answer one of mine, then you'll give me 5 bucks."

The woman ignores him and tries to sleep.

"Okay, how about if I lose I give you 100 dollars, and you only give me 5."

Again, the woman declines.

"Okay, okay, how about I give you 1000 dollars if I lose?"

The woman, finally had enough, agrees. The businessman goes first."What's the circumference of the sun?"

The woman doesn't know and pays him 5 dollars. Then she asks the businessman "What has 6 legs, goes up a hill with 10 legs, and comes down with 5 legs?"

The businessman realizes he has no clue of the answer, and he would have to pay up. He searches it up on google, asks everyone on the plane, and calls all his friends, but no one knew the answer. At last, he reluctantly pays the woman 1000 dollars. The woman, satisfied, goes back to sleep.

The businessman taps her shoulder. "I have one last question. What was the answer?"

The woman sighs and takes out 5 dollars.

submitted by /u/pokemonftw14
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Source: New feed

In high school some kids told me they’d give me $20 to hang out with them.

Turns out it was just clique bait.

submitted by /u/KryFuZe
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Source: New feed

When my wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo

I had to put my foot down

submitted by /u/Sir_battmaker
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Source: New feed

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks,

“How do you drive this thing?”

submitted by /u/Brianr282
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Source: New feed