Category: Jokes

Remember…you are not completely useless.

You can always serve as a bad example.

submitted by /u/mustatab96
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Source: New feed

With the rise of self driving vehicles,

we shall soon hear a country song about a guy's truck leaving him too.

submitted by /u/Bushwacker61
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A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.

The captain says they can't just turn her away, and orders to desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview. Not having any idea what to ask her to disqualify her application, the officer asks, "What's 2+2?"

"Ummm… 4!" the blonde says.

Dang, the officer thinks, so tries a harder one: "What's the square root of 100?"

"Ummm… 10!" says the blonde.

"Good!" the officer says, deciding to switch from math to history.

"OK, who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

"Ummm… I don't know," the blonde admits.

"Well, you can go home and think about it," he says, "and come back later and tell me what you've figured out." He figures that's the last he'll see of her.

So the blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. "Not only did I get the job," she says, "but I've already been assigned to a murder case!"

submitted by /u/wackoclown
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I tried to force feed my child…

After a while my wife said “Just use a fucking spoon Mike, you’re not a Jedi”

submitted by /u/420-Neal-It
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Did you know that Helen Keller had a swing set in her back yard?

Neither did she.

submitted by /u/SquigglyP
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The Minnesota Vikings walk into a bar

To watch the Super Bowl

submitted by /u/jayman213
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