Category: Jokes

A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach.

“That won’t help you, Joe, you know?”

“Oh it helps a lot,” says the man, “it’s the only way I can see the numbers!”

submitted by /u/Starinight69
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Source: New feed

My parents treat me like a god

They dont believe in me

submitted by /u/agspk
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Source: New feed

What does a Thesaurus eat for breakfast?

A synonym roll.

submitted by /u/Dashey10
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Source: New feed

The Jews may be the "Chosen People"…

… But the Muslims are the "Randomly Selected".

submitted by /u/Aztecah
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Source: New feed

A flight is on its way to Sydney when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down

The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney and I’m staying right here”.

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won’t move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney and I’m staying right here”.

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won’t listen to reason.

The pilot says, “You say she is a blonde? I’ll handle this, I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde”.

He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry” and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

I told her, “First class isn’t going to Sydney “

submitted by /u/Unkie_Herb
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Source: New feed

What does an air conditioner have in common with a computer?

They both lose efficiency as soon as you open windows.

submitted by /u/Varkoth
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Source: New feed