Girl : how can you scratch your private parts in public? I can never dare to do any such thing.
Guy : That's because you don't have the balls to do it.
A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."
The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"
On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
A man was having some stomach pains, so he went to see his doctor. The doctor looked him over and declared, "Sir, you have a tapeworm. Please come back in three days, and bring… a banana."
The man is confused, but he trusts the doctor so he returns in three days with a banana. The doctor tells the man to take off his pants and bend over, whereupon the doctor… introduces the banana into the man's system. The man is shocked.
The doctor says, "Excellent job. Now please come back in three days with another banana." The man trusts his doctor, so in three days he returns with another banana.
The doctor again asks the man to remove his pants and again he… introduces the banana… into the man's system. The man is extremely confused, but his stomach pains aren't as bad anymore so he will continue to follow his doctor's orders.
The doctor says, "Great job. Now please come back in three days with… a hammer."
The man returns with a hammer three days later. He is extremely confused, but upon seeing the doctor he receives his instructions. "Please take off your pants and lie on your side on the examination table," says the doctor. The man lays there for a few minutes with his rear end bare. The doctor breathlessly grips the hammer and waits.
The tapeworm pops out of the man's butthole, looks at the doctor and says "Hey where the fuck is my banana?"
down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop…"
3 Engineers are sitting at the bar, having a conversation along the lines of "If God were an engineer, what kind of engineer would he be?"
The Mechanical Engineer: "Obviously he was mechanical. Look at the joints, the complex range of motion, the connective tissue. Mechanical Engineer for sure!"
The Electrical Engineer: "No way. Electrical. Look at that brain! All the nerves, neurons, every little electrical impulse that ties it together! Must've been Electrical!
The Civil Engineer: Takes a sip of his drink. "Nope. I can say for a fact that the human body was designed by a Civil Engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreation area?"