Saw a midget carrying a television the other day

I asked him if he need any help carrying the television.

He told me to fuck off and said its an ipad.

submitted by /u/_BlNG_
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Source: New feed

Just a Little Prick: All the Things Men Are Injecting Into Their Genitals

submitted by /u/Con_Johnson
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Source: WTF

A young man and his date were parked…

… on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”

submitted by /u/prshs70
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Source: New feed

Told an inmate to have a safe drive home.

I'm a corrections officer, getting ready to head out at shift change:

Inmate: "drive home safe" Me: "yeah you too…" Me: (thinking "oops, ouch") Coworker: "Muahahaha" Inmate: (hops into his imaginary car and shuffles to his cell making farting engine noises, screeches the brakes, steps out of his car and into his cell. Pokes his head out) "Made it home safe dad" Me and my coworker burst out laughing

submitted by /u/generictimemachine
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Source: New feed

Liberals declared leukemia to be racist

There's too many white cells.

submitted by /u/Odenkirkd
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Source: New feed

I just turned on nickelodeon and saw bob the builder building a wall…

… to keep Dora from exploring.

submitted by /u/BasedOnAir
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Source: New feed