A man was having some stomach pains, so he went to see his doctor. The doctor looked him over and declared, "Sir, you have a tapeworm. Please come back in three days, and bring… a banana."
The man is confused, but he trusts the doctor so he returns in three days with a banana. The doctor tells the man to take off his pants and bend over, whereupon the doctor… introduces the banana into the man's system. The man is shocked.
The doctor says, "Excellent job. Now please come back in three days with another banana." The man trusts his doctor, so in three days he returns with another banana.
The doctor again asks the man to remove his pants and again he… introduces the banana… into the man's system. The man is extremely confused, but his stomach pains aren't as bad anymore so he will continue to follow his doctor's orders.
The doctor says, "Great job. Now please come back in three days with… a hammer."
The man returns with a hammer three days later. He is extremely confused, but upon seeing the doctor he receives his instructions. "Please take off your pants and lie on your side on the examination table," says the doctor. The man lays there for a few minutes with his rear end bare. The doctor breathlessly grips the hammer and waits.
The tapeworm pops out of the man's butthole, looks at the doctor and says "Hey where the fuck is my banana?"
down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop…"