Tag: Wrong

Best use of the lightsaber sound

I heard about a guy who set the lightsaber powerup as his incoming text sound but forgot about it until he went to a public toilet, walked up to the urinal and just as he unzipped, got a message and scared the crap outta himself.

But imagine the look on the face of the guy standing next to him! 😲😂😂

submitted by /u/StuffLooken
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Source: Adult Jokes

Whorehouse parrot

A woman comes into a pet shop.

Pet shop employee: Hello mam, are you looking for something specific?

Lady: Yes, I am lonely most of my time and I am looking for a pet companion.

PSE: I have a parrot and it only costs 30 $

L: Oh, how come that the parrot is so cheap?

PSE: Well he has a history because he used to live in a whore house.

L: Hmm, I don't mind. I will take the parrot.

At home the lady pulls away the curtain of the parrot cage.

The parrot takes a look around and says

Parrot: Oh, a new whore house and a new bawd!

Disgusted the lady closes the curtain of the cage.

A few hours later her daughters arrive and pull away the curtain of the parrot cage.

The parrot looks around and says

Parrot: Oh, a new whore house, a new bawd and new whores!

Disgusted the lady closes the curtain of the cage.

In the evening the husband of the lady comes home and curious he pulls away the curtain of the cage.

The parrot looks around and says

Parrot: Oh, a new whore house, a new bawd, new whores and Oh hi Mark! How is your sexlive?

submitted by /u/Bauernwurst
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Source: Adult Jokes

Bring me a whiskey bitch!

Passengers are boarding a plane and a man looking for his seat finds out that he is seated next to a parrot.

After the plane took of the stewardess looks by and asks for drinks.

The man says that he wants a glass of water.

The parrot shouts to the stewardess: Bring me a whiskey bitch!

The stewardess runs off and imediately brings the parrot his whiskey.

After 15 minutes the man still does not have his water and the parrot yells: Bring me a whiskey bitch!

The stewardess comes running and gives the parrot his whiskey.

The man tells the stewardess that he is still waiting for his water.

The stewardess is really sorry and explains that she did not have any time yet but she will bring the water in the next five minutes.

After five minutes the parrot yells: Bring me a whiskey bitch!

The stewardess comes running and says here is your whiskey.

Pissed off the man yells to the stewardess: Bring me a watter bitch!

Upon hearing this the stewardess runs to the captain and they both return to the man sitting next to the parrot.

She points at them both and says: Sir, these two keep on insluting me!

The captain kicks both of them from the plane midflight.

The parrot asks the man: Can you fly?

The man responds no.

The parrot shakes his head and says: For a person that cannot fly you are quite a big mouth!

submitted by /u/Bauernwurst
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Source: Adult Jokes

Having an ugly child…

Is kind of like an "I told you so" from God.

submitted by /u/RedBeard66683
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Source: Adult Jokes

Why is Chinese food like sex?

It's not over until you get your cookies. And two hours later, you want more.

submitted by /u/LAGreggM
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Source: Adult Jokes

A Good Tutor Can Help You A Lot

A Good Tutor Can Help You A Lot submitted by /u/onsuibian
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Source: Adult Jokes